what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
