so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
