Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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