Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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