Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
