I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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