i just google imaged poop.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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