New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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