I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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