i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize