Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
