You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
