Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
