I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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