he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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