I cockslap morals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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