Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is Oprah even human
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
