It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
