just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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