She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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