And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night