you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.