I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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