you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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