Me. At least after what I've been through.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
