You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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