If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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