i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
