No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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