Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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