I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
