wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
