My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My balls are so social today.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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