We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
