I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
