Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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