New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
