Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
