I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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