Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
