butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
