i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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