3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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