Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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