my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize