sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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