If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
