He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
