I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
