Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
