is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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