sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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