Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
