sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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