I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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