Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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