I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
