This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you would pick up someone in the library
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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