when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
