Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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