DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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