he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
