1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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