just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
