hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does it feel to date your dad?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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