I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
