How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
