that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
