I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
