So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
