Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's never too late to be topless.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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